broken rule

04-12-04 - 3:39 p.m.

Yesterday I blew it.

You see, I have this unspoken rule in my mind, for myself... it says that I won't get into details about my feelings about eating disorder issues with people I know, unless asked.

I don't want to be the type that will whine about being fat either. You know the ones- they put themselves down for the sole purpose, it seems, of getting others to tell them that it's not true.

Well, yesterday Ken sort of pinched my side during Easter dinner while we were chatting with family.

During the car ride home, I said to him, "You pinched my chub today."

He said that he couldn't get any chub if he tried and that all he can pinch is skin.

Well that sort of got the ball rolling for me somehow. I don't know what happened, but I ignored my rule.

Before the night was through, I had mentioned my negative feelings about my body quite a few times, leaving Ken to do all that he could to dispute each of them.

I did it.

I turned into the whining, "but I'm fat..." girl (I didn't actually say those words though- I have never claimed to be fat) who leaves the listener stumbling to refute each claim.

UGH

I hate that I did that.

what went before - what came after

Last 5 entries:

Pregnant! - 01-23-06
*happy unintentional weightloss* - 02-08-05
anyone still there? - 08-17-04
- - 05-11-04
and as for lunch... - 05-03-04