There's something elusive and alluring (yet repelling) that comes with smallness... not just shortness or petiteness, but to a nearly unnatural smallness. When a person's "bigness-around" is less than one would expect, based on their frame or their height.

Perhaps the allure exists only in my own mind and in the minds of others possessing some intensity of disorder, ranging from interest in Anorexia to obsession with the shrinking of their own personal mass.

You all understand it and it is no enigma to you- you know what it's like to walk down the hall in your high school and to find all else disappearing as your every ounce of attention is absorbed into the skinny girl walking ahead of you or that bony-hipped vision of unreachably perfect thinness standing at her locker to the left.

Or what it's like to spot someone on the street or in passing on your University campus, in whose eyes you see something quite familiar- something that was once or is now in your own eyes... something distant and sad... something that nearly screams for help while shooting daggers that seem to say, "don't even think about trying to help me- I don't need help."

But they do. You know it, I know it, and those to whom it all remains an enigma, know it.

But you know as well as I do that they won't accept it- you wouldn't when you were there. Perhaps you are still there... and the truth is that you want it. You want to sense that elusiveness in your own existence... you want the thinness... you long for emaciation... you want to be enigmatic to the general population... and at the same time, you want to disappear.

Shrink.

just shrink

That's what it's all about.

well, I think those of us who have given it any thought understand that that's not true at all. There is a lot more involved than just shrinking. There are reasons. We all have our reasons. Many the same or similar and many, many individual, unique reasons...

Oh, there are reasons...

trust.

and they only need to be uncovered.

"only"

ha.

it hurts

and you'll run back to it

but if you can find the strength within, or perhaps without...

you could come to a place

without the pain (of it)

and without the urge

to shrink

sure, it'll surface now and then...

but it will shrink...

what went before - what came after

Last 5 entries:

Pregnant! - 01-23-06
*happy unintentional weightloss* - 02-08-05
anyone still there? - 08-17-04
- - 05-11-04
and as for lunch... - 05-03-04